I know that I’m not a good person. I’m actually aware of what a shitty human being I am. I don’t know if you’ve ever been told that you’re not good enough? Or ever seen a depiction of what somebody thinks of you, and realized that you are not quite what you thought you were? Your heart sinks – I mean you can almost feel it turn to iron and the pure weight of it as it sits and crushes your internal organs. You feel sick, and your brain feels like it’s expanding as you go into overload with all the ways you can be good enough – that’s if you don’t let it diminish the small grain of self esteem you had left.
I’ve never liked who I am, and I still don’t. I don’t know if I even have it in me to try, but this is it. This is me trying. I can do better; I will be better. I’m starting now.